Fifteen-ish

I was driving tonight with Gotham (I put him in a gym bag and took him to visit Todd at work on his lunch break) and on the way home, the song "Fifteen" by Taylor Swift came on. Listening to the words, I realized that my fifteen year old self could relate to a lot of it.

'Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you
You're gonna believe them
When you're fifteen and your first kiss
Makes your head spin 'round
But in your life you'll do things greater than
Dating the boy on the football team
But I didn't know it at fifteen...

When all you wanted was to be wanted
Wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now

I like Taylor. I like this song. I think it's completely relevant to fifteen year old girls, who are generally itching for something to relate to emotionally. But I realized, listening to that last bit of the bridge about going back and telling yourself what you know now-- that I wouldn't do that at all. Not to my fifteen year old self. I was blessed with a relatively drama-free high school experience and a very sweet first boyfriend and while there were occasional rough patches, I wouldn't change anything about that time of my life.

I would go back a few other places though...

I'd go back to 18 and tell her to leave her high school boyfriend in high school.

I'd go back to 19 and tell her to sit down and fill out those scholarship forms and write those essays because the money you are asking the bank for IS in fact, real money. And that yes, you will actually have to pay it ALL back (and THEN some!), even if the economy is crap, so do NOT borrow money that you don't need!

I'd go back to 20 and tell her to let him go before he left for Memphis in the summer.

I'd go back to 21 and help her unpack her car BEFORE she drove to church for Christmas Eve service, so that everything wouldn't get stolen...

But I'd also warn her about about cowardice masquerading as nobility. I'd beg her to get the answers she needed and then "leave the past behind, though it [kept] finding ways to get to [her] heart". I'd promise her that no amount of apparent compatibility would be worth the drama and heartache of the next year... but she probably wouldn't listen.

And finally, I'd go back to 22 and tell her to love the loan grace period, stop buying cd's and start saving a little and paying that mug off before she got hit with thousands of dollars in interest payments.

Silly, silly girl... I'm glad its all working itself out. :)

Would you go back?

p.s. Surprisingly enough, I wouldn't tell her a word about Todd. It feels a little cruel, but I couldn't live with myself if I ruined the best surprise of her life. :)