Playlist

I've stumbled into some great music lately.

Love Revolution- Lenny Kravitz
As of right now, I have a few of his singles, but I don't own a Lenny Kravitz album... but i think I'm about to. The pieces I've heard of this one are pretty rockin.

Natalie- FLOREZ
I'm friends with these guys. They're terrific. I like this song so much. It was actually featured during the 5th season of Scrubs. And it's even better because it's not really about what it appears to be about. Clever ones, they are. :)

Sea Breeze & Tyrone Yodels- Tyrone Wells
The first is just a beautiful smooth, shimmery, summery love song. The second is... yodeling. Sexy yodeling. I know, I know. But I'm serious. This man's entire live album is amazing. He is my Marc Broussard of 2008.

Greatest Hits of Journey
Okay they're not new. But they were in my car stereo today and it made me happy. :)

Question- Old 97's
Precious lovesong from the episode of Scrubs where Carla finally accepts Turk's marriage proposal.

Helix Nebula- Anamanaguchi
I don't play video games. But if they made this song into a video game, I sure would play it. The first time I heard this song, it was aural overload. But now, I kind of can't stop listening to it. It's started to make me happy... in a really delightful, hyper-metallic-pixelated sort of way... if that makes any sense.

Remedy- David Crowder
I love 6/8 time. This song is no exception. So full of hope in brokenness. I love it.

Yesterday- switchfoot
Also not new. But completely beautiful if melancholy. Anyone who's ever lost someone they loved will find it has a perfect blend of reflective sadness and hope.

Brave- Nichole Nordeman
Annnnd also not new... but what a great song. My theme song, as of late.

On The Road Again...

As of this moment, I feel like there are several parts to my personality. And that sometimes, different pieces have to emerge at different times in my life in order for me to best fulfill my destiny.

Let's name these parts because they'll get confusing: right now there's Model, there's Writer, there's Missionary, and there's Dream.

Model represents me now. Model is first in line. Model is currently driving the car on this little bipolar family road trip. The other three are not happy about this, but Writer is convincing them with a flourish that it's for the best and that it's actually for their own good. Sadly, behind the curtain, Writer isn't particularly crazy about Model either. She sees Model as a means to an end. Writer would respect Model more if she was Stage Actress. That, at least, is something viable to work with. And I can't blame Writer—Stage Actress does sound like more fun. But pressing through the veiled antagonism, Model is still nobly doing her thing, trying to make the most of her time and gain the most from every opportunity and experience, because she innately understands that she can't get too comfortable. After all, she's only here because *Debt invited her, and unless she can gain some favor, she knows that when he finally goes, she will too.

Writer is playing sidekick to Model at the moment; riding shotgun, if you will. Always wanting to be in the driver's seat, but taking comfort and finding confidence in the fact that no matter where she sits, she will always have a seat. She's a lot more vocal, more confident than the others because she is the favorite, the most beloved, and she knows it. She tries to be gracious about it though.

At the moment, Missionary is the whiny kid. Missionary's not really getting any consistent attention. She knows she's important and that one day it will be time for her to ride up front, but for now, she sits in the back seat, grumbling in Spanish that no one understands her, and no one remembers her and no one appreciates her. She knows that's not true—but she's still sort of cranky about it and no one blames her.

And Dream is the quiet kid. The observer. The introvert. And ultimately the most powerful of them all. She is small on the outside, but inside she is full of potential and possibility. Dream spends all her time looking at everyone else, wondering when her moment will arrive. Dream is all the best parts of Model and Writer and Missionary, but there are other parts to her that have yet to find voice; Wife, Mom, Published Author, Screenwriter, Playwright, Lyricist, Producer and even Stage Actress are buried inside of her, waiting for the right moment to emerge. Dream is confident that she'll be driving the car one day with squabbling counterparts of her own, but for now—she keeps to herself, quietly and lovingly reminding the others that one way or another, everything's going to work out.

*Debt, by the way, has an eyepatch and a crazy eye and is lurking in the trunk, delighted that Missionary's whining is largely due to his presence. Come to think of it, Debt looks and acts a lot like Mikhail from LOST.

"But I Can't Do This All On My Own..."

I've been watching Scrubs in chronological order for the past few months. I love it. It's pretty authentic, it's hilarious, and it's really well written. Next to LOST, it's safe to say it's my favorite show. 

Anyway, I've been watching both the episodes and the behind the scenes footage, and I've watched a little of that stuff for LOST and Heroes too, and the more I see, the more I realize how much goes into a production like that. How there are so many little pieces and so many personalities. You have to hire people who know things that you know nothing about and trust them to do their job right. You have to hire actors, who may or may not be or become primadonnas, actors who may or may not be wonderful people, who may or may not believe what you believe and you all have to co-exist and co-create together. It's all suddenly and astonishingly complicated.

When I think about it too hard from a logical perspective, it's pretty ridiculous how much confidence I can drum up when in reality, I am completely unqualified to accomplish my ultimate dreams; I've never really had an acting lesson, never been in any real production that took up my time, never taken a film class or a camera operation or storyboard class, never even been to Hollywood. I have a lot of dreams, but no idea what I'm actually doing.

But isn't that most of my life?

I don't want to limit God by squashing my own dreams and disqualifying myself. He has put every story and every desire to tell it into my heart and soul. He gave me all of that ability without me asking for it, so why shouldn't I believe that when the time is right—He'll work out the rest of the details? He'll bring the people I need to my side, mentors and peers alike, and through His grace/power, I'll live out my dream—the dream that was His to begin with, seeing as he gave it to me.

I just can't be afraid of hard work. Of doing things I've never done before, things that aren't necessarily in my comfort zone. For me, that's things like submitting my work to places and trying my hand at acting in a larger production in front of all kinds of people—not just Christian people and maybe even -gasp- ultimately going to one of those *conferencey type things to do some networking with writers and producers and creatives in the industry.

*I don't know what it is exactly about those damn conference-seminar-exhibition things where a million people who want to be the same thing or do the same thing all come together and rate each other and let people give them a 3 step formula for what they could/should do to get in. I know sometimes that stuff is effective, but to me—it's so hokey. I don't even want to touch it. I don't know where that comes from. It's probably a very stupid career train of thought on my part. But at least part of it is noble; I'd rather believe that God has the ability to place me in front of the right people at the right time… but maybe I really need to do a little more work to find "the right people"… who may or may not be at one of these conferences… sigh.