Hate Song

Today I am frustrated.

I'm convinced that weddings are for rich people on Bravo and TLC. Or people who come from old money. Or people who sell drugs. Or people who have been saving for a year (or years) to plan their weddings. I GROSSLY underestimated the financial burden of pulling off a farewell party/wedding in 4.5 months.

Also. College. College is for rich people. Or really poor people who qualify for scholarships. Or really really driven people who want to be doctors and lawyers and computer programmers and can subsequently make over $100,000 a year and pay off their loans in like 2 years.

College and weddings are not for bohemian storytellers with wild, romantic visions who marry super-engaging pastors and attempt to merge both of their enormous social circles-- and feed them-- inside the lobby of a music school.

I love marriage. I love my fiance. And education is so very important.

But I hate money. I hate student loans.

And today, I hate weddings.

Snapshot of the American Music Industry

AKA the Grammys: Cacophonous Fusion Extravaganza of 2009 

Timberlake and Rev. Al Green. A good idea. Shakily executed at first, but it worked itself out. Plus, Justin is so freaking adorable that it doesn't matter. 

Taylor Swift and Miley Cyrus. I see the logic. And while I'm not a Taylor Swift fan-- she came across as incredibly mature tonight. She did a great performance and she's a good writer who totally gets her demographic. In contrast? Miley Cyrus just kind of makes me want to wrap my face in Saran wrap.

Kanye West and the Afro-Mullet. A resounding NO.

MIA and the Rap Pack was the most ridiculous and abrasive thing I've seen since/heard... since Katy Perry descended to the stage in a banana and proved once again that she is the worst performer EVER.

I can't even talk about Stevie Wonder and the Jonas Brothers. I don' t even know where to begin. Pairing Legend with Fad is such an icky, uncreative marketing ploy.

Paul McCartney & Dave Grohl?

Okay, that one worked.

JT, TI, Drumline and The Cello Girls weren't bad. I liked Justin's  scarf. And the cellos. 

Smokey Robinson, Jamie Foxx, Ne-Yo and Duke Fakir... were actually very good. It was a nice tribute. And Ne-Yo really surprised me.

Mad props to Sugarland and Adele, who totally deserved their accolades for being phenomenal with little to no visible effort.

And to Coldplay-- who are adorable. And very talented.

Also, props to 

• Queen Latifah and Jennifer Hudson, for looking like sleek, beautiful, old-school jazz singers.
  
• Kate Beckinsale, for being gorgeous and classy.
• Alison Krauss' amazing purple dress.
• Jack Black, for having a hilarious face.
• Moses Martin, for letting his dad borrow his shirt to wear to the Grammys.
• Adele and McCartney's drummer for blatantly chewing gum on stage.
• Jason Mraz, for attractive facial hair. And a very handsome hat.
• Carrie Underwood's rockin female guitar player.
• Radiohead, for bringing a marching band onstage.
• Christina Aguilera's Target Superhero Comic commerical
• The quartet of diversely talented guitarist gentlemen (including Keith Urban, John Mayer and BB King)
• And Justin Timberlake.

It's not over. But I'm done!

Bat-Pack Hugs

You know how babies get fussy and you pat their backs to try and make them burp?

I HATE it when people hug me like that. With little pats in rapid succession on my back. It really makes me uncomfortable.

The only people I know who do this are older people, mostly aunts or maybe somebody's mom who you don't know very well. 

Also, people who aren't used to/don't enjoy giving and receiving hugs.

Or people who are really nervous about hugging you for whatever reason.

But I am not a fussy baby. A regular embrace will do just fine. Even just a quick one. If you're that nervous about it, you should definitely opt out of the pat-back hug and just give me a secret-handshake-style high five. 

I'm not meaning to offend bat-pack huggers-- I just don't get it. It's awkward. Can anyone explain this to me? If I've just missed something, I want to understand.

*I'm NOT Gonna Write You A Love Song.

"I'm not gonna write you to stay--
If your heart is nowhere in it,
I don't want it for a minute
Babe, I'll walk the seven seas
When I believe that there's a reason to
Write you... a love song...
Today..."
-sara bareilles

Maybe I shouldn't post this.

Probably.

But I'm going to because I need to say it really badly.

I don't know if I'm capable of maintaining whatever it is that drove me to this point...

But I hope I can, because I am just really ready for a change.

A huge, perspective-altering change.

I am absolutely,
incredibly,
emphatically,
apocalyptically,
SICK of having crushes.

I've just had it.

I'm epically tired of liking and/or being attracted to people and having absolutely nothing come of it, save for a few temporary sporadic bouts of butterflies, a shameful amount of minutes spent wondering, and ultimately, one more disappointment that leaves some unfortunate, naive shard of my heart splintered like a snapped popsicle stick.

I'm not even saddened by these occurrences anymore. I'm just pissed.

I'm done! I'm SO done with crushes.

What a waste of time.

Don't ask or wonder who or what put me over the edge because maybe it's a lot of things.... But if you're reading this, you can safely assume/be relieved or disappointed that while I think you're wonderful for a number of reasons-- I do NOT have any romantic feelings for you and I do NOT want to be with you. At all.

Not even **you.

And not anyone else either.

(sigh)

Until the want/need is mutual and not instigated or maintained solely by me?!

I'm out. So don't even bother.

"See you guys... hold my calls!"



* If by chance we just met or you just stumbled upon this blog... be cool. It's not like this all the time.
** Many of you reading did absolutely nothing to provoke this entry. Sorry to catch you in the crossfire. None of this flack is really meant for anyone specific... its just more of an explosion of disgust for my own stupid, redundant naivete.