Less Tragic

I'm tired of reality TV.

Actually, I'm tired of reality in general, muscling me around like a stubborn, cynical hardass, telling me to get over it because "that's just how it is"...

Telling me not to worry about it because it's not my problem...

Telling me to live and let live and insisting that everything is relative and everything is gray and all roads lead to Rome or space or nothingness.

That is bullshit.

I'm tired of the movies that end like real life.

I mean, I'm not always tired of them, but in this moment I am.

I don't want the good guys to die. I don't want the babies to die. I don't want people to find redemption and then die before something amazing happens. I don't want the bad guys to leave with the money and I don't want the random hot girl to get picked over the faithful best friend. I want the guy to chase the girl until she says yes. I want the couples to look for new reasons to love each other every day. I want the wives to have sex with their husbands and not their pool boys. I want the husbands to have sex with their wives and not their boyfriends. I want the teenagers to stop having sex with each other. I want the mommies and daddies to stay together and the children to grow up confident, loving and generous. I want the daddies to admit when they were wrong and the mommies to let go when they're supposed to. I want the church to stop being a tepid, elitist, whore in the eyes of unbelievers. I want the addicts to own up to their issues and ask for help. I want the burnouts to start over and the dreamers to take action. I want the apathetics to stop being bored and find something worth burning about. I want the skeptics to embrace hope and the cynics to fall in love. I want the music to mean something. I want it all to matter. So much.

Because it does.

I'm not wishing for or expecting a perennial Utopia.

But would it kill us to have a happy ending or two? Hundred? Million?

Would it kill us to be a little more diligent in fostering the growth of happy endings?

Would it kill us to stop being so selfish?

Would it kill us to acknowledge the bigger picture—and our raging, innate longing to be part of it?

When did we stop wanting to be in it?!

I don't understand. I don't understand when the brainwash began.

I want to be in it.

Oh, do I ever.

There is joy.
There is purpose.
There is adventure.
There is understanding.
There is total acceptance.
There is a reason to get out of bed every day.

But none without You-- my dear, wild and mighty Father.
Help me. Help me to live this life like its Christmas morning, instead of Black Friday at Wal-Mart.

*I'm NOT Gonna Write You A Love Song.

"I'm not gonna write you to stay--
If your heart is nowhere in it,
I don't want it for a minute
Babe, I'll walk the seven seas
When I believe that there's a reason to
Write you... a love song...
Today..."
-sara bareilles

Maybe I shouldn't post this.

Probably.

But I'm going to because I need to say it really badly.

I don't know if I'm capable of maintaining whatever it is that drove me to this point...

But I hope I can, because I am just really ready for a change.

A huge, perspective-altering change.

I am absolutely,
incredibly,
emphatically,
apocalyptically,
SICK of having crushes.

I've just had it.

I'm epically tired of liking and/or being attracted to people and having absolutely nothing come of it, save for a few temporary sporadic bouts of butterflies, a shameful amount of minutes spent wondering, and ultimately, one more disappointment that leaves some unfortunate, naive shard of my heart splintered like a snapped popsicle stick.

I'm not even saddened by these occurrences anymore. I'm just pissed.

I'm done! I'm SO done with crushes.

What a waste of time.

Don't ask or wonder who or what put me over the edge because maybe it's a lot of things.... But if you're reading this, you can safely assume/be relieved or disappointed that while I think you're wonderful for a number of reasons-- I do NOT have any romantic feelings for you and I do NOT want to be with you. At all.

Not even **you.

And not anyone else either.

(sigh)

Until the want/need is mutual and not instigated or maintained solely by me?!

I'm out. So don't even bother.

"See you guys... hold my calls!"



* If by chance we just met or you just stumbled upon this blog... be cool. It's not like this all the time.
** Many of you reading did absolutely nothing to provoke this entry. Sorry to catch you in the crossfire. None of this flack is really meant for anyone specific... its just more of an explosion of disgust for my own stupid, redundant naivete.

I'm So Over It.

I hate to be negative, but blogging is about sharing your thoughts, and lately, these 5 things, when brought up in conversation, tend to invoke those four little words in bold printed above.

1. Celebrity gossip. I don't care. I especially don't care about Britney Spears. Or Paris Hilton. Or Lindsay Lohan. Maybe if we stopped stalking them and paying so much attention to them, they'd calm the hell down.

2. Red Bull. People are all jacked up on it. But it hasn't been around long enough for us to know whether overconsumption of it will really wear out your heart faster or cause your body to do other weird stuff. I just don't like it. It's just one more thing to be addicted to. (How and when did our nation get so prone to/apathetic about addictions?)

3. Reality TV Shows About Rich People. Boring. Stupid. Overdone. I'm tired of getting sucked in by them and having my life wasted.

4. Slasher Movies. They will always be gross, and they're just getting worse and worse. And it seems regular tv has to get more intense just to keep up with people who get bored when blood and brains aren't being slung everywhere. Fact is, there are real blood and brains of innocent people being slung everywhere in countries all over the world everyday... and we hardly ever even hear about it-- because the news is all caught up with the life and times and uh-ohs of the people from bullet #1. And we (as individuals) subsequently, do nothing to stop it.

5. The overabundance of hip hop music that insults my gender and my intelligence. At the moment, namely "Crank Dat Soulja Boy". If I hear that ridiculous song one more time... nothing will happen. Because it's just on, everywhere, all the time and I can't get away from it.
I hate music that doesn't mean anything. I thought that was the point of music. To convey a message, a mood. To tell a story, to give the listener something to relate to. Not just background noise. Not a soundtrack for mindless drunken gyrating. Mindless gyrating is meaningless. Superfluous words that don't mean anything are meaningless. Idleness is meaningless. Meaninglessness is meaningless.

And depressing.

You know what I hear when "Crank Dat" and everything else like it comes on?

Little boys. (And don't tell me I'm thinking too hard about this-- that's how this crap got popular to begin with. No one thinks about it.) Immature, selfish, egocentric, unfullfilled and unaffirmed little boys, telling each other (and any female who will listen) how pimp and tight and BAMF they are, because no one who loved them ever bothered to tell them that they could be more than that. That they could be heroes, role models, defenders, revolutionaries, with power and influence who gain true respect from everyone-- not just they boys in the street.

It's pathetic. Trendy hip-hop is pathetic. And I hate the stereotype that it sets, encourages and promotes for the Black community nationwide.

I also hate that the Black community (like every other community, mind you) allows a place (BET?) for meaningless garbage like this to flourish, instead of demanding a higher quality of popular music (and film, for that matter. God bless Tyler Perry!). I'm mad that most don't think about it past the surface-- and those that do get blasted for "forgettin where they came from" and "listenin to dat white music". In the meantime, those people doing the accusing settle into the stereotype-- and then get mad with they get profiled.

(sigh)

I know pop & hip-pop will always be around, and much of it will always be mindless and meaningless and overplayed. It has it's place among all the rest of the garbage in the entertainment world, but it just sucks watching the general public turn into media zombies. It sucks to watch people stop caring and start settling for whatever. I'm terrified of numbness, and that's what I get from music like that.

Music associated with the Black community used to mean SO much. Jazz and soul and gospel and RNB & reggae and rap all had purpose, substance. They said something. The music was thick and emotional and controversial-- that's what made it stand out.

Now it feels cheap and mass-manufactured. Probably because it is.

I never want to write anything just to be popular. (Which is probably why I'll never make it in the music business. Which is fine.) I want to write things that have meaning. Things that that share wisdom and experience, things that people can relate to, connect to, be comforted by.

I believe my purpose in life is to spread hope to the hopeless through my own experiences and the experiences of others. To connect people by their similar struggles and remind them that others before them have made it-- and that they will too.

Words that mean nothing, do nothing.

And to quote the man who participated in televisions very first primetime interracial kiss,

"I can't get behind that."

"Oh, Make Me Wanna Holla, The Way They Do My Life..."

I'm sorry. I kept my mouth closed at work, but I have to say this here:

If you go to a nice restaurant for dinner, and purchase two bottles of expensive chardonnay, two salads, two appetizers, a pasta dish and a steak, totalling $160.00 and you leave a 4% tip (that's $5.00, folks)-- you will ruin your server's entire evening.

If it happened to be slow night in the restaurant anyway, and you sit on your ass in her section, wasting her life long after the restaurant is closed, and purchase the items listed above and leave a 4% tip ($5.00!) you will ruin your server's entire evening.

Being old and senile and insane is NOT an excuse. (If you are-- please, eat at home. Or at Shoney's. No, don't even do that to Shoney's.)

There is NEVER an excuse for a 4% tip at a nice restaurant when your server did everything she could to ensure your happiness. In fact, by tipping $5.00 on $160.00, (especially if your server had a long, boring night and is feeling slightly irrational) you may very well also endanger your server's life. Because you will make them so irritated that they will speed home, turning right on red without slowing down, and rolling though stop signs, without wearing a seatbelt because they can't do anything else to spite you.*

(sigh)

Okay, all better.

*It was a very short drive, 6 minutes tops, through downtown Franklin. I passed maybe three cars. Not saying it was smart, but-- whatever.

"How bout the Big Tippers?"

"I like it!" :)

Remember that "prowling grounds for an untamed tongue" bit? Well, it's not gonna be that bad. But here comes a big ol' sudsy soapbox. Get ready, I haven't been here in awhile.

Okay. You won't find this explicitly in any scripture, but since becoming a waitress, I have recently reached the conclusion that we, as followers of Christ are called to be many things—one of which is good tippers.

That's right. Yes, it depends on the restaurant and the level of service, but as an adult, you know the difference between good service and bad service—and good tips and bad tips. I understand that the amount of the tip should match the quality of service, but there is a bottom line, and as a current "professional server", I'd like to make you aware of it.

I'm not saying you have to be an extravagant tipper, (unless of course you want to be. That's a calling in itself and a tremendous blessing if you are willing and able.) but when you go out, especially to a fine dining establishment, you need to factor in at least a 20% tip when you're deciding how much you can spend.

As believers, I think we have a real opportunity to be blessed and to be a blessing every time we venture out to eat. God calls us to be cheerful givers. Your pastor probably reminds you of that every Sunday. But, it's really true. You might not really think about it, but when you've received gourmet food and quality service, I think the amount on your tip line is directly correlated to your level of common sense AND your level of faith. Clearly, if you're not financially stable, you don't need to throw your dough away (or be blowing it at fine dining establishments). But think about how much money you burn in a week's times on superfluous, impulse buys. God provides you with money for stuff like that. And we all take it for granted. But add that stuff up and divide it by the number of times you eat out at places where you're required to tip in a week? You've got more than a couple of very nice tips. Give or take $5, chances are, you're not even going to miss it.

I'm not saying this so much for me. I always give my best to my customers, and if I have a crappy section, or a bad night, I don't flip out and curse humankind. That's just how the business goes. Regardless of how much I have to tip out the bartenders and the server's assistants (even when it does hurt), I know that God's going to use the people at my tables to provide for my ALL needs. He always has, and I don't believe He's going to stop now.

But unbelievers are a different story. My point is simply this: Beloved, every time you tip, you have an opportunity to be a very tangible blessing and an encouragement. And if you are blatantly Christian (i.e. praying over your food) AND stingy, I can PROMISE you, you are being judged. And the image of Christ is being judged right along with you. The church has a bad enough rep already. As a server who is also a believer, I entreat you to seek to break these stereotypes, encourage unbelievers and, honestly, just brighten someone's day. If you've ever served before, you understand how one unexpected generous tip can turn your whole day around.

Speaking of judging, let me throw out a couple of rather unscientific facts…

Stereotypically, senior citizens, women, teenagers and church goers are the worse tippers. Any career server will tell you that.

With seniors, sometimes you expect it a because they come from a time when things were a lot cheaper and tipping ten percent was the norm. Then again, sometimes, they totally surprise you. (That goes for all these groups, really. There are always exceptions.)

Women often come in (occasionally in larger groups) spending money that their husbands/boyfriends have given them, (i.e. they don't want to spend too much of it and get in trouble) so they skimp on the tip at the end of the meal because they don't think it's that big a deal and somebody else will cover the majority of it because after all, they are just one person and they only had water with lemon and a salad!

Ahem... sorry. This happens most often at lunchtime.

Teenagers sort of have an excuse too. They don't know about money, they don't understand finances, and they generally don't have any bills to pay. Unless they're servers too or they have brothers and sisters who are servers, they'll probably throw soy sauce or ketchup all over the table and they'll ask for 25 lemons and more bread and ranch dressing and extra pickles and then probably leave you $20 on a $18.73 tab. Just like babies throwing food on the floor, it's sort of to be expected. (Which is why we encourage teens to dine in groups and thank the Lord for auto gratuity.

But church goers? We don't have an excuse. It's just pure unadulterated cheapness. It's bad enough that servers have to skip church to work on Sunday morning to make ends meet, but then you leave an 8% tip after we had to clean up your child's urine TWICE?!?! (That was an extreme circumstance that one of my friends had to deal with on a Sunday morning.) That doesn't even make sense. If anything, our servers should know we are Christians by our love, our patience, and our generosity. Granted, your server has a responsibility to be timely, polite and to answer have any questions you may have while you're dining, but there's nothing quite like being monetarily rewarded for your efforts.

However, for the non-church going or non-Christian servers reading, lemme spit a bit of ugly truth atcha; Honestly, the majority of church-goers eating at your table on Sunday afternoons don't tithe either. If they're not cool with giving God 10%, they're probably not gonna leave you 20%.

(Christians: Burn. I know. But it's true. Trust issues, much, people of God? (Myself included!!!) But think about it… has He ever really left you hangin' with nothing? I doubt it. Jesus is definitely faithful enough to be worthy of 10%. And that's a LOT more important than my 20% tip. You might need to pray about that. Not tryin to be funny or judgmental… just sayin'…)


Also, this notice to Nashvillians:

If you work for a Christian record label, or are in anyway affiliated with a Christian artist, or if you are even seriously involved in a relationship (business or pleasure!) with someone who is affiliated with a Christian record label or artist—you are dubbed/assumed to be a Christian. And therefore a representative of Christ. Non-believers in the food service industry look at you and your bad tips and go "Those damn Christian/church-going people are so freaking cheap!" I promise that's what they say. I hear it multiple times a week. And many times, they are entirely validated. (My friend who had to clean up the pee? Twice?! And then got shafted?!? They were "church people". It was Sunday lunch, so it was more obvious. Fortunately, he's a true Christ-follower himself (not to mention a father), which was probably the only reason he dealt with the situation as well as he did.

So I know that's a lot… but keep that in mind, Theophilus? Next time you're fillin' out that tip line. It means more than you think it does. Thanks for listening...

The B Word

If you'd asked me three years ago if I ever thought I'd be a cusser, the answer would've been a resounding "No." Swearing made me uncomfortable. I found it to be uncreative, a superfluous use of nasty language. (Which it totally still can be.) I will even openly admit that I quietly looked down upon cussers.

But the thing is, I finally realized you have to go through a situation that requires swearing to really develop an appreciation for it. Having been through a few such sitches, my thinking has changed/matured. I am a cusser. Not a superfluous one by any means, but a cusser nonetheless. Cuss words have a place, just like every other word. Yes, they're kinda gritty, but sometimes there's really just no better way to say what you gotta say.

Now there are still a couple of severe words that you will not hear coming out of my mouth-- because my Savior is much too good and loving and powerful and forgiving for me to put obscenities before or after His name.

But there's a part of me that is minutely infatuated with the proper use of cuss words. In their proper place, they can be very effective. And I know a lot of people think it's a respect thing not to swear in the presence of ladies, but honestly, when we're good enough friends that you can get mad, or get honest or even just slip and say something in front of me? I'm into it. It's a new level of friendship. :) So long as you don't abuse it and develop a limited, R-rated vocabulary.

So… I have cuss words in my life. And I'm okay with this. But—there are some that still rub me the wrong way.

The one I'm talking about today, you can guess from the title of this post. Beside the two most common compound cuss words which are used superfluously in most current pop/rock and hiphop songs (rolls eyes), I do not like the word bitch.

Now granted, there's a place for it. And as a verb, it doesn't bother me as much. But as a noun or an adjective, especially casually?! Oh no. I hate it. I hate it when women call each other that affectionately and I sure as hell better not hear any man calling me that. I don't care if he's joking or not. Those are fightin' words (really they are coming from a female as well) and I sure will put your ass out. Or at least re-evaluate how much time I spend with you if you have the nerve to ever apply those words to my face.

Maybe it's because I feel like on a fleshly level, I have as much license to be a bitch as any other woman, and I choose/God has given me the grace not to be. I believe that word should be reserved for the description of a female with absolutely no social grace, no mercy, no patience, no regard for anyone but herself and an inflated sense of entitlement. Everything I believe urges me to be the polar opposite of that. And if you choose to call me that anyway? It's like a slap in the face. If we consider ourselves friends, I will most likely take it personally. If you say it flippantly, or if I don't have a close relationship with you, then I'll just lose respect for you and assume that you don't know any better.

Anyway, that's how I feel about it.

So ladies-- don't call your friends "bit-chez", please? Just because they do it on the first season of Laguna, doesn't make it cool. And if good women are runnin around calling each other trashy things, how can we expect more from anyone else?