Vintage Poetry

I went and got a new driver's license today. It only took me about 45 minutes, which is definitely something I would toast to if I was holding a glass of wine.

In honor/commemoration of my new DL, I present to you some vintage poetry (I discovered a whole binder full yesterday) written in frustration on the day I got my very first license. I used to write poetry when I got upset. That muse has since abandoned me.

On Attempting To Obtain A Texas Driver's License (or Mos Eisley II)

Written August 8, 2001

The DMV, The DMV,

Wretched hive of scum and villainy.

Take a number, wait in line.

You're 85! They're on 39.

Plastic chairs that smell like-- plastic.

People's children running spastic

Bored of the colorless, dreary fort

Filled with drivers of every sort.

Or non-drivers, who long to be,

Waiting with members of their family,

But no one tells ME they had to come!

So I show up and wait and then feel dumb.

Anyway...

This place must have been here since Abe Lincoln.

Green chairs in the bathroom? What were they thinkin?

But the seats in the lobby are blueish-teal.

And connected together. So they're harder to steal?

The clerks have all been there three hours too long

They just stamp you and sign you and move you along

But there's always one chick who thinks she runs the place

And she's snippy and obnoxiously up in your face.

You think they'd hang a sign;

"Doesn't play well with others!

Keep out solo teens and expectant mothers!"

But that'd be too nice, so they let her run free

Chewing out poor civilians, who just want some ID.

Of the years in your life, waiting takes up three,

And I bet at least one's at the DMV.

The numbers glow on the talking sign;

"Now serving 46 at counter 9."

"Please watch for your number."

"An Army Of One."

A Wanted poster.

Oh wow, this is fun.

Cell phones are ringing.

Look, no more chairs!

"Join the "REAL" Texas Rangers."

NOBODY CARES!

We all just came by to get an ID,

And to take a bad picture that no one should see.

Just in case we get sirened for running a light

The cop will have proof that we wasted daylight

Standing here in this office,

the DMV,

Wretched hive of scum and villainy.