It's The Little Things...

"Fuh. Whatcha doin that fuh?"

"Crut? Kret? Crit? Crit! Crit-- right? Did I say it right?"

"No, little crazy! You're crrrrrazy... Crrrazy... I'm crazy for FEELIN!! so loneLEEEE oVERRRR yoooo.... Crrrrazy..."

"If I was a... well, you know."

...I miss my roommate.

Without her, we are just a duo. Just a Guinness & Bass. Which might make our saucer boys happy-- but we'd much rather be the NCM song.

***

"Crikey! Have a look at this girl, she's bEAU'iful!"

"What's wrong, Possum? Bless 'er Lord. Just give 'er a pat..."

"Thirdeen, fourdeen..."

"I can't be bothered, I can't be bothered..."

"Get stuffed! Don't be GAY! You girls are soft!"

And last but not least--

"May I please have a back tickle?"

(sigh)

I also miss my Swan.

"Oh, Make Me Wanna Holla, The Way They Do My Life..."

I'm sorry. I kept my mouth closed at work, but I have to say this here:

If you go to a nice restaurant for dinner, and purchase two bottles of expensive chardonnay, two salads, two appetizers, a pasta dish and a steak, totalling $160.00 and you leave a 4% tip (that's $5.00, folks)-- you will ruin your server's entire evening.

If it happened to be slow night in the restaurant anyway, and you sit on your ass in her section, wasting her life long after the restaurant is closed, and purchase the items listed above and leave a 4% tip ($5.00!) you will ruin your server's entire evening.

Being old and senile and insane is NOT an excuse. (If you are-- please, eat at home. Or at Shoney's. No, don't even do that to Shoney's.)

There is NEVER an excuse for a 4% tip at a nice restaurant when your server did everything she could to ensure your happiness. In fact, by tipping $5.00 on $160.00, (especially if your server had a long, boring night and is feeling slightly irrational) you may very well also endanger your server's life. Because you will make them so irritated that they will speed home, turning right on red without slowing down, and rolling though stop signs, without wearing a seatbelt because they can't do anything else to spite you.*

(sigh)

Okay, all better.

*It was a very short drive, 6 minutes tops, through downtown Franklin. I passed maybe three cars. Not saying it was smart, but-- whatever.

File: Create New Playlist

Lately, I have rediscovered that there are several songs on my iPod that I have ridiculous, unbridled affection for. Not all of them are particularly noteworthy... some of them are questionable... yet they remain on my list of faves. Just thought I'd share.


Twin Rocks, Oregon- Shawn Mullins

I started with this one because it's definately the most obscure. It's barely even a song-- it's a story that rhymes a little, that's spoken over gentle acoustic guitar, with a little singing on the chorus. But since the very first time I heard it, it's haunted me in the simplest most beautiful way. I love it. It's so unassuming. It's raw. Honest. Lonely. Flawed. A story of searching, a story of strangers, a story of life paused to enjoy one moment of beauty in spite of-- everything.

Next time its raining and you can spare 99 cents... check it out.

Photograph- Nickelback

I know, I know. Your respect for me is just oozing away. I can feel it. But there's something about this song (especially the way it ends) that makes me listen past Chad Kroger's growly ol' voice that always sounds exactly the same-- and if I commit to it for the full 4 minutes... it sort of gets to me. Again, it's a story. You expect that from a country song, but not really from this genre.

Also, I'm very much a reminiscer, and terrible-- terrible-- at saying goodbye. So the whole "hard to say it, time to say it" line is pretty close to home. Say what you want, but I definitely have a little tiny piece of my heart carved out for this one.

Austin- Blake Shelton


Speaking of country... I don't listen to it often. But this is my favorite country song of all time. Again, a whole story, and a good story! in 3.5 minutes. I'm impressed by that. It's typical, it's cheesy-- but I wish I'd written it. I think it's beautiful. And like I said, before, if I let myself commit to it, I can totally be crying by the time it's over. :)





Harder To Breathe- Maroon 5

This is one of my absolute favorite angry songs. It doesn't get old (to me). Lyrically, it's not exactly golden, but the composition of the music and the vocal inflections and the inherent frustration is hard to beat. If I were to fight somebody in real life, and real life happened to be a musical, it's entirely possible it would sound just like this.



Much Afraid- Jars of Clay

I'm a really big lyrics person. And this song-- I've been there. Plenty of times. And the tone, the mood of this song is exactly how it feels to completely give up. In a good way. I don't think this particular Jars of Clay album was very popular-- but I always thought it was just the right kind of melancholy. Again, very honest, very simple, very raw.




In Repair- John Mayer

I have this feeling I'm going to keep repeating myself. But again, it's been a long time since I've found a song that so accurately depicts where I've found myself so many times. John Mayer is very good at the honesty thing... and while I would think his albums would grow progressively less honest-- so far, it's not true. He may very well be a jerk in real life, but his lyrics are memorable and so easy to identify with. I respect that.



Inner City Blues- Marvin Gaye
(though I'm listening to the version covered by Marc Broussard)

So much was happening in the world when this album was recorded. This song is courageous, flustered, and fed up without being obnoxious. It's the "At The End Of The Day" (Les Mis) for the 1970's. Enter key words of this entire post: raw, honest, simple, unapologetic, real. With quiet intensity, it appeals to your humanity and demands your attention.

Hard Times- Eastmountainsouth

All these songs are kinda depressing, yeah? Oh well. I guess when you're depressed is when you most need to know that someone else has been there. Therefore, a lot of times, the songs that soothe you when you're depressed are the ones you hold dear... because they brought you out. I love this song because it sounds like it's from another time. I'm actually-- using it for a project. I'm not going to tell you what it is yet though, because you might try to laugh. Oh, but when it's finished-- if it gets finished-- you won't laugh then. :)

Straight Lines- Silverchair

This is currently my favorite song. I listen to it on repeat. I have a few friends who really liked it the first time they heard it. But I was indifferent. I'm pretty sure the reason they liked it is because at the time, they were there. They identified. I wasn't there yet. I wasn't ready.

But I'm there now. I'm ready now. And so grateful to know I'm not alone here among the other "desperate believers".

Post Bon Voyage

Okay first this: waitless.org hilarious, occasionally practical ways to save time in everyday life.

Now for an update-- for those who don't know, my roommate Holly recently acquired a spot on the entertainment crew of the Norwegian Cruise Lines ship, the Gem. Along with a crew of 12 dancers and 4 other singers, she will be spending the next 7 months singing in shows while cruising through the Mediterranean and up and down the US Eastern seaboard. The opportunity is a Godsend and we are SO proud of/excited for her-- even though we're missing her terribly already!

So this past Thursday, I made my way to the airport 3 times in one day. First I took Kisha (she went to Texas for the weekend), then Holly (to Germany to board the Gem), and finally Swannymate (back to Australia for a year and a half!) It was an emotionally exhausting day, and with Heather making wedding plans in Florida, I spent most of my weekend chillin at home alone.

And in that free time, I did some thinking. About my whole issue with trusting God.

I started thinking about it on the way home from the airport when I dropped Swanny off. I started thinking about how grateful I am that the majority of my friendships are going to last for eternity. I started crying over the ones that won't (at least not of this moment). I prayed for those. I thanked God for my incredible friends who continually draw me into his presence and encourage me to venture there on my own.

Thinking about my wealth of wonderful friends took my brooding in yet another direction. The divine wisdom of God. God knew the desires of my heart long before I got to ACU. He knew how I longed for true friendship. But it wasn't the kind of thing I brought up with Him on a daily basis. Still, because He knew exactly what I needed, He put Kisha in my life. He put Val & Dani in my life. He put the Oxford Crew in my life. He put Benjamin and Tim Sayles in my life. He put Holly and Jared and Robert and Swanny and Jamie and Barlowe and Tobin and David in my life. He filled my whole life up with amazing, fascinating people—people I couldn't imagine life without—who I didn't even ask for. I never dreamed up a best friend or a posse for myself. I never agonized over who I would walk through life in my twenties with on a daily basis. But He in His great wisdom, simply and exquisitely ordained all these people to be placed in my path. Without any prompting from me, He has met every one of my needs—and many of my wants as well.

This made me think— how many more amazing things does He have planned for my life that have to do with the people and things I have been comunicating with Him about on a daily basis? Namely my future husband, but also in terms of career ops and possibilities, who knows what miraculous stuff He's up to on the DL? If He can perfect something I haven't had consistent dialogue with him about, how much more is He tailoring my future to calm every anxiety of my heart? Clearly, I have every reason to trust Him. He's given me every reason to trust Him. In fact, I'd be crazy to do anything but that. He's the only one who's ever truly been completely faithful to me, the only one who's made good on every promise He's made to me. He's the only one it makes any sense to trust—and yet so often, I place my trust in his busted up kids, and then wonder how my heart and my plans get so broken.

So now that what I need to remember and how I need to act are here in black and white in front of me, I have no excuse. Hopefully I'll come back and read this next time I get stupid and try to rely on anyone other than Him for my happiness and fullfillment.


"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."
Ephesians 3:20-21

Two Peas?

Jade & I had a moment today.

If you know my car, you know she has personality. She's a little eccentric, very stubborn and very dramatic. She puts on a major show when her fuel tank is low and she acts all bubbly and saucy when you fill her up. She's picky about how her doors are opened, who drives her and whether or not she wants to allow you to see how fast you're driving at night.* She's my baby though, and I love her.

So I took her in for an oil change. Full service. We take care of each other like that. I also asked the mechanic to check the brakes out because they were making a scratchy noise last week. So I'm sitting in the office, letting Jade & the mechanic talk to each other, and I'm looking up at the service board with all the pricing on it;

Basic oil change: $25.00
Full Service: $32.00
Diagnostic: $16.50
Brake Check & Tire Rotation: $15.00

It occured to me then that since I asked the mechanic to check my brakes and give Jade a full service oil change, that he was probably rotating the tires as well. I could see Jade's bright green paint in the third bay, farthest from the door. So I headed outside, to make sure the guy was doing all I asked him to do.

As I'm walking over, I see the mechanic on the shop phone, walk into a storage closet or parts closet or something and vanish for a second. And as I reach the third bay, there's Jade. She looked exactly like any other car would in such circumstances, but because I'm a storyteller and she happens to be quite a character, this is what I saw/thought:

As I come around the corner, Jade's sitting there with her hood open, all four tires cast aside, looking at me like a mischievous high school kid caught in some devious act, with wide doe-in-headlight headlights. I cross my arms, look around for the mechanic and stare her down.

Me: Mmhmm.

Jade: Ummmm… okay. This is not what it looks like. I swear.

Me: Jade. I leave you out here with him for fifteen minutes and you let him take all your tires off, with your hood open for all the world to see?!

Jade: Look, he had a drill, okay? Well, it was a pressurized tire iron, really. I didn't mean to. But it just—it all happened so fast! I barely had time to think! You know you can't just leave me alone like that!

I shook my head at her, biting back a hint of a smile and thought,
"Well, I guess it could happen to anyone."


*Her dashboard lights are touch and go, and no longer respond to my Han Solo-esque knocking them into submission.

Hey champ, you've got somethin in your eye there—lemme help you out with that…

Sometimes I feel like all patrons of the Starbucks in Williamson County do is talk about God. Talk about God and read their bibles. Like every Christian in Franklin who's seeking God in any form, is positive that they'll find at least a smidgen of Him sitting in a comfy chair at the bottom of a Starbucks cup.

Every time I sit at any Starbucks and write, there's either a musician/artist with a laptop and headphones writing/editing/designing a song/cd graphic/press release OR a bible study or group therapy session or theology battle or spiritual b-real session happening at the table beside me. It's not a bad thing-- it's what I get for living in Franklin. But every time I notice one of these sessions, I'm reminded of how fortunate we are as American Christians. And how much we take our freedom for granted. How much I take my own relationship with Christ for granted.

I'm not gonna lie-- these Starbucks Spirituality Meetings always bother me a teeny bit. Or if I'm really honest, maybe they convict me because I judge these other patrons according to my own walk. Every time I notice one of these meetings, I can't help but think about Christians in other countries with other governments and religious backgrounds who risk their lives every time they even mention the name of Christ. I think I've romanticized their struggle. I feel like they must know God in a realer, deeper way because they love Him in the minority.

(And while that's true, I shouldn't waste my time beating myself up because I'm not suffering for Christ in that way. I should be praying more frequently for the strength of those persecuted saints, and pursuing Christ even harder to strengthen our my own relationship with Him. Should is the key word. :/ )

But here in Williamson County, Jesus is common ground for most. He's sort of splayed everywhere, loud as a Sunday newspaper advertisement. And sometimes, it feels cheap. So much less genuine than the Jesus Freak martyrs I've read about, who honestly count their lives as nothing compared to the cause of Christ. Their faith seems so much more legit and intense to me. Maybe I'm jealous/ashamed because my faith feels a little mass-produced sometimes. Because my passion for Him hasn't been so ardent as of late.

But that should drive me into my own deeper study—not compel me to judge the ladies with the bibles and the lattes across the shop from me.

Self-loathing of your own walk does not a joyful, contagious Christ-follower make.

"Not that I have already obtained this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself to have yet taken hold of it, but one thing I do know: forgetting what is behind, and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." –Phil.3:12-14*

Thanks for indulging me this little therapy session. :)


*Hehe, just pulled out my bible to make sure I wrote that correctly. While sitting in Starbucks. I am so the person I just blasted. Thanks, thanks for that, Ada**. You and your sense of humor. :)

** Ada (Ah-da) n. : the name Juliette often uses to refer to Christ within their personal relationship. The "why" is not crucial. But if the name ever pops up here, consider your question is answered.

My Roommate Made Me Do It...

How does she post 100 things about herself and still maintain her mystery? How?!
(tagged by Ms. California herself...)

1. I love names. Really. And naming things. I'm actually very good with names.
   
2. I wish I was left handed.
3. I think fluorescent lighting is gross.
4. I don't generally watch a lot of tv.
5. But my favorite show is LOST.
6. I too, vote for Kate & Sawyer.
   
7. And even though it's megacheesy, I really like Smallville.
   
8. Chloe Sullivan is my favorite character on the show.
9. But I have a crush on Tom Welling.
10. And I will have a crush on Clark Kent for-- maybe the rest of my life.
11. I consider myself a connoseiur of chocolate cake.
12. And a very big fan of convertibles.
    
13. I too studied abroad in Oxford, UK.
14. I took about 45 rolls of film while I was there.
15. The camera I used? It wasn't digital. And I named it Luke. (I too, name all of my important stuff.
    
16. I lost my favorite pair of pajama pants in England,
17. Left all my makeup behind the weekend I went to Paris,
18. Stayed in a trailer park in Venice Italy,
    
19. Went on the Sound of Music tour in Austria,
20. Ate chocolate cake in a castle in Germany,
21. Rode a ferry boat to Ireland,
22. Slept in a ferry station in Wales,
23. Melted a candy bar on my sunburnt skin in Spain,
24. Watched the Lion King from the front row of theatre in London,
25. And haven't worn a watch since I got back to America.
26. I don't like wearing yellow.
    
27. I love wearing red.
28. I wish my hair was red sometimes.
29. Last week it was.
30. I really like wearing boots.
31. My favorite musical is Les Mis.
32. And my favorite character in that musical is Eponine.
    
33. I love hats.
    
34. I love gloves without fingers.
35. I love scarves.
36. I was a drum major in high school.
37. I also played the saxophone.
38. I don't paint my fingernails because I think it makes my fingers look clownish.
39. I like the smell of new bike tires.
40. And new car tires.
41. And Payless Shoe Stores.
42. I'm a terrible parallel parker.
43. I say it's because my car doesn't have power steering... but maybe it isn't.
44. My car's name is Jade.
45. My laptop's name is Bruce Wayne.
46. And subsequently, my flash drive is the Batmobile.
47. I have a thing for superheros.
    
48. I really like words. Thesauruses (Thesauri?) fascinate me.
    
49. I like it when people use SAT vocabulary words in context in mundane situations.
50. In my car, I am a kareoke superstar.
51. I'm a terrible drawer. (That's pronounced draw-er.) As in artist. I'm not a terrible artist. but I'm a terrible drawer.
52. I should have used the word "sketcher" in the previous sentence.
53. I wish I could skateboard.
54. I wish I could surf!
55. I've never been to California.
56. Or Florida.
57. Or South America. But I'm totally going there one day.
58. I can hardly ever go to Target without buying something.
59. I would eat all organic if I could afford it.
60. I HATE when my jeans aren't long enough.
61. I love eating steak. And chocolate.
    
62. But I don't really like shrimp.
63. Or lamb. Blech.
64. Or Guinness. Ew.
    
65. I'm a little annoyed by crispy bacon. That's no way to cook bacon, that just means you didn't pay attention.
66. I have never smoked anything.
67. I think mohawks and tattoos are sexy.
68. But nothing beats a man with a passionate heart and a stunning smile.
69. The worst book I read in high school was The Stranger by Albert Camus
70. I hate crawly bugs. And flying bugs. I think that covers all of them.
    
71. And mold.
72. And gnarly grody teeth.
73. Actuall, dentistry in general.
74. And edges. All five of those things really frighten me.
75. I am SUCH a dog person.
76. I have a guitar, but I don't really play it.
    
77. I would love to be fluent in piano.
78. And Spanish.
    
79. My first crush? Kindergarten. Christopher Rodriguez.
80. I used to really like the taste of Dimetapp.
81. I love writing when it's raining outside.
82. I'm not the best bike rider.
    
83. Um... making this list makes me feel a little vain, and I don't know what else to tell you...
    
84. I won't be offended if you stop reading this now.
85. Okay... I like Poloroid pictures.
86. I don't like metal music.
87. I like french fries. A lot.
88. I used to be pyrophobic.
89. I'm extremely fond of the Cheesecake Factory.
90. I want to be in a musical.
91. Lord of the Rings is my favorite movie.
92. I've never seen any Austin Powers movies.
93. I'm guilty of facebook stalking.
94. I don't like scary movies.
95. I think baseball is really boring.
96. I like Italian food. A lot.
97. And bread. Bread is delicious.
    
98. Maybe it's carbs. I just really like carbs.
99. I'm watching Smallville right now.
    
100. And most of the time, I really like making lists of things. :)