Snippets.

-Met a Park Ranger with the last name Cluck today. (my very first bf's last name) But he wasn't from Texas and says he doesn't have any family there.

-Got a new story idea. It's slow starting, but I think I like it.

- My dog's new favorite things: frozen carrots and sitting on the couch like a person with his feet in the air.

-I hate paying to park almost every time I go to work. So ridiculous.

-I hate being in debt. So ridiculous. We actually have to contemplate whether or not Gotham gets to be in the Mardi Gras pet parade because it costs $10 to enter. We is po'. At least we are right now.

-Does anyone have a bomb recipe for making pulled pork? Holler at me.

-SO glad LOST is back. So glad LOST is ending.

Down to Business.

A few day ago, I had a little breakdown.

The same feelings I was feeling exactly a year ago returned.

I don't feel like a writer.

I don't feel as though I have a single creative thing to offer right now.

Even things I've loved writing about in the past have been dead to me lately.

I can't shake it-- and it's terrifying.

Not only do I realize my need to redefine myself (by Who I belong to, not what I do) but I need to go back to the Orchid station, so to speak. I need to go back to where I was, or rather, what I was doing, when things were hopeful. When the creative juices were on tap, intoxicating and flowing freely.

I need to open up my iTunes. I need to listen and write what happens.

So, I don't know what I'll be blogging this month. If anything. I've got to start something new-- maybe even finish something for once.

My first attempt is to take an old idea that's always and only been an idea and turn it into-- something. I'm not going to tell you what it is because it might not work and I might change my mind. But if I don't change my mind, maybe I'll let you in on a few pieces as they develop.

Also, can I just say that it makes absolutely no sense to me that I want to write a musical SO badly and I haven't even really tried to do it. That's ridiculous.

It's time for me to stop dreaming and describing and running my mouth and produce something. Or at least attempt to.

So... here goes.

Sucked In

My dad and I both have addictive personalities when it comes to stupid, competitive things.

Best example I can give you is Tetris. There were several 8-bit Nintendo video games that dominated my youth (Mario Bros., Duck Hunt and Arch Rivals to name a couple). When we got a computer, it was Solitaire, Hearts, Minesweeper (which always infuriated me) or that game where you bounce a ball off a floating bar and knock it into bricks, which disappear when you touch them.

But whether it was on a Game Boy, a computer or a tv, Dad and I would always come back to Tetris. We could play for hours, and then I'd have dreams about bricks falling into place. It was almost compulsive. And we'd get over it and forget it after a month or so, but to this day, I find myself steering away from most forms of online gaming because I KNOW I'm going to get sucked in. I don't need something keeping me awake and staring at a screen through odd hours of the night! And that's exactly what would happen. That, plus MORE procrastination.

However.

Lately, I have happened upon a new game that I occasionally, compulsively find myself playing. At first it was Word Twist (which I still love), but now it's Bejeweled. I encountered it on my phone on a really incredibly boring day at work, but I only had the free trial version. Not wanting to drop $7.95 on an unlimited subscription, I decided to come home and check out the full version on facebook...

And now, as of the past 5 days, I waste at least 30 minutes a day blowing up multicolored gemstones before time runs out. And even though the newer version, Bejeweled Blitz, only lets you play in one minute increments without paying, it gives you tons more points and bonuses.

I am so lame.

The Kid

Lately, I've been wondering what would happen if we could record ourselves as individuals in everyday life for one week. Then, take the footage, edit out the really mundane parts and transfer it to a VHS tape. Then label it with your name and your current age, hand it to a man with Daniel Faraday-type powers and have him deliver it to your 12 year old self to watch.

Would that be horrifying?

I don't think my 12 year old self would be horrified. In fact, I think she'd be delighted about the husband and the puppy, but I think she'd be very confused by my "professional life" or lack thereof.

Snowball

I'm sitting at Starbucks for the first time in a long time.

I got home from work a half hour early and made my way upstairs while talking to my bestie on the phone. Our conversation lasted an hour and a half and in the midst of it, I took the puppy outside, noticed he was nekkid (no collar), smelled him and realized that Todd had given him a bath before going to work (LOVE that man), changed clothes while defending my socks and pant legs from puppy teeth, made myself rotini with vodka sauce and mozz cheese, threw it in a to-go box, played with Gotham and then took him outside again, kenneled him and apologized, then hung up the phone and with laptop, purse, dinner and a cupcake in tow, made my way through the incredibly dense fog to my husband's 3rd and final birthday celebration. Jeffrey made him a neapolitan cake and it was delicious.

So.

Now I'm sitting here. Finally have a chance to get some things off my chest, off my head, whatever... and I don't even know where to begin. I think i need to write several posts because there's no way anyone would sit a read half of what I could write right now.

I'm going to elaborate. But the gist is this. Work is mundane and emotionally draining. But not in a bad way, if you can believe that. Well, the mundane part is bad right now, but I know as soon as winter passes, the Arch will be slammed and I'll be crazy busy. But I'm learning a lot about my new friends and about myself as I get to know people.

Also, August Gate small groups have started. I'm really proud of Todd for all the work he's put into making our curriculum so engaging and hearty. I'm also learning a lot about myself there too. It's hard stuff to hash out, but so necessary.

Gotham is really a great dog. I love him a lot. But i can't WAIT for him to lose his puppy teeth. I also can't wait for it to get warm so he can get outside and run in the sunshine. He'll love it.

Professionally, I'm sort of a disaster right now. I work at the Arch, but I'm still looking for a job that will let me use my degree. But I'm going crazy because NO ONE will email me back. Plus, I think I have too many interests? I want to do promotional work, I want to go back to school for social work, I want to speak Spanish, I want to be on Glee, I want to be a nurse (who speaks Spanish), I want to write something that people want to read/watch...

But really, all I need to do right now is freaking make some money. There are bills everywhere and they're not getting any smaller and I get really frustrated sometimes.

Also, our lease is up in May. And multiple realtor friends are telling us that we could be paying half of what we pay for rent if we bought a foreclosure house. So we've looked at four. They were all amazing in their own way and very overwhelming to think about owning... but nevertheless we HAVE to think about it if we wanna be good stewards of our money...

But all I can see is bank notes, bank notes and payment books and online billing reminders everywhere, and it makes me nauseous.

Speaking of that, praise the Lord, we only have one baby and he is furry and growly and has four legs.

There is just a LOT going on right now. Not to mention the two outta state weddings of dear, dear friends we're sposed to attend this year...

(sigh)

I just needed to get that out. Thanks for letting me.

Blurbs

So, it's 12th Night. The first day of my very first Mardi Gras season in Soulard. FYI, Soulard is home to the largest Mardi Gras celebrations in the country, outside of Louisiana. The money that our neighborhood bars and businesses make during Mardi Gras gives them a cushion for the entire rest of the year. I may have mentioned before that our apartment is on the local parade route. There are still beads in our tree from last year. We'll see how it goes!

***

Gotham is a trip. A couple of days ago, he was chewing on a fake flower arrangement in the foyer of our apartment. Todd told him to leave it and come on, but 30 minutes later when they were playing, Todd called him, and instead of bounding across the floor, Gotham dry heaved for a second and then threw up a handful of kibble and a plastic flower. I laughed out loud when Todd told me the story and I laughed out loud again while typing it. :) Silly kid.

Gotham is 9 weeks old today and might as well be a toddler. He can go up and down all the stairs in our building, he's teething like a baby dragon, doing really good with potty training most of the time, chewing on anything that's on his level, whining when he wants on the couch, but NOT when he needs to go out, sleeping on his back with his paws in the air and eating anything he can get in his mouth. He's also learned to sit and stay (and he does it most of the time). Also, as of this week, Gotham and I have the same favorite pillows. We have these really soft, cuddly, cream-colored fuzzy pillows that we got as wedding gifts and while he's napping beside me, he always readjusts every few minutes, inching over until he has his face in one of them. Then he'll go to sleep. I mean, I don't blame him. But those are for my face. Not his.

***

I just flipped through every one of my Real Simple magazines from 2009. I pulled out all the recipes and a few articles that were still interesting and relevant... I know I'll use some of the recipes, but I also know there's a good chance I'll barely look at this binder i'm putting together... so why is it so hard to throw them away?! I felt bad! I think it's because the layout and design of Real Simple is so unique and lovely that each issue feels like a work of art. I'd keep them if I had space, but it's probably better that I pare them down anyway...

***

It's snowing. Quite a bit. I mean, it's no Austria, but the Texas girl in me still thinks it's a LOT. I'm glad I don't work till 11am tomorrow, hopefully the roads will be clear. The snow is gorgeous but it's HARD to stop in. Even in the Element. (Which has brand new, shiny Missouri plates as of today, thankyouverymuch.)

***

At my job, I have to take pictures of everyone who comes through to go up in the Arch. I realized tonight while "watching" the People's Choice awards that if Hugh Jackman, Matthew Morrison or Josh Holloway (or Matthew Fox, really) came through the Arch with their families? I would NOT be functional. I would completely freeze up. Taye Diggs and Ewan McGregor would have the same effect. Josh and Matt Fox would freak me out because I love LOST and I especially love Sawyer. The rest would freak me out because they have beautiful man voices and they've been in major Broadway musicals.

Goals for 2009: Wrap Up

This was the first post of the year, let's see how I did...

Goals for 2009

• At least two blog posts EVERY week. Long, short, logical, nonsensical-- it matters not. Hold me to this. Please. Badger me. I need it sometimes. I blogged 70 times this year. 24 times this month, my most ever, of all time. Just 34 short of my goal, not bad. I'll try and do better next year though.
  

• Purchase Rosetta Stone: Spanish ("It's my birthday present to me! I'm SO happy!") and be able to hold my own in conversation with my friend Jose by the end of the year. Or maybe just have a conversation with Tim Sayles entirely in Spanish. Yeah, neither of these things happened. :) After I met Todd, my priorities got a little rearranged. I still love Spanish and want to learn it... I'm just not sure when it's gonna happen...
  

• New job = New challenge. Something to put my degree to use. Something more permanent. Preferably with a company called Pure Safety. Mr. Gaudreau, if you're reading this... call me? :) Wow, I can't believe I applied for that job this time last year... it's a good thing I didn't get a good job in Nashville, I would've had to leave it! But I do have a new job, outside the restaurant industry! Still working on using that degree though...
  

• Finish reading 20 books. I attempted this last year. I only made it through 16. More on that in my next post. I sure did not read 20 books. I don't even think I read ten. MAYBE six. I'll get back to you on that.
  

• Continue my adventures in cooking. Now that I own a Magic Bullet, this could get interesting. :) I'm planning my first attempt at fresh pesto this Sunday. Yeah! This is going really well, actually. I'm a big fan of cooking now (and Todd is a big fan of me being a big fan), and I owe that mostly to my work BFF from Saffire, Chef Vinny. Let the adventures continue!
  

• Eat a pomegranate. I've never done this. I'm intrigued. Ate one! Ate like 10, actually. Love them.
  

• Participate in NaNoWriMo. I might have to work up to this. Okay, I registered and I wrote some, but I didn't upload anything. But in my defense, I'd JUST gotten back from my honeymoon and was very busy.
  

• Submit stories to at least 2 other competitions held by Narrative Magazine. I submitted one story. I didn't get to write another one. Maybe this year. I hope.
  

• Keep a plant alive. Hopefully two. My adopted grandmother sent me home from Texas after Christmas with a baby orange tree. And I, feeling overzealous because of her belief in my ability to not kill this plant, also bought some fresh basil. I may be in over my head. We'll see. FAIL. Killed 'em both. RIP little saplings.
  

• Play Rock Band 2. Drums, specifically. YES!!! Did this on Christmas day and it was amazing!!!
  

• Multiple dates/hangouts (read: at least two) with Annie Parsons and Kara Orendorf. :) Two dates with Annie, and lots of hangouts with sweet Kara. I miss them both!!!
  

• Visit (my cousin in) Boston in September and/or Brazil (with missionary friends) in November. Um... I got married instead. Ran out of money. :)
  

• Continue to shorten the degrees of separation between myself and Baz Lurhmann. In a perfect world, have ALL degrees erased and be nearing BFF status before production on Great Gatsby begins. I can dream with the best of 'em. That's why I think we'd get along so well. :) We stayed in the same hotel as Keith Urban on our wedding night... he's married to Nicole, who has Baz's number in her cell phone, I'm sure. So that's good! Also, today, I found out that my friend Josh's new co-worker was a dancer in the original Broadway cast of Wicked, which means by degrees to Idina Menzel and Taye Diggs have shortened! AND at Thanksgiving, I discovered that my cousin Brittani's old dance instructor from when we were kids (Zac Woodlee) is the head choreographer on Glee! So that shortens my degrees to Matt Morrison as well. :) I'll take it!
  

Happy New Year, blogworld!!!