Pacing The Panic Room

I don't know this family, but this is the best thing I've read all day.




It's definitely better than anything I could write here today. :) So if you've got a few minutes, please check out Panic Room Ryan's magnificent photo account of his wife's pregnancy as well as the birthing story. He took pictures of her every week starting from 17 weeks and wrote a sweet, funny blurb next to each photo. Also, her birthing story is just crazy. Also, the transparency of this couples love for each other is evident in his writing almost immediately. It's awesome.

Reading instructions: When you click on the link, scroll down to the bottom and read up. You can skip the letters if you want. When you finish the first page, scroll down to the bottom and click "newer posts". Then scroll to the bottom again and read up. Don't cheat! It's better that way. :)

Also, I'm pretty sure there are no kids reading this blog, but Ryan's blog is rated PG-13ish for language and a couple of (tame) birthing pics. Not a big deal, but there's your disclaimer.


p.s. I am NOT pregnant. I just love good writers/moment capturers and good stories.

Fifteen-ish

I was driving tonight with Gotham (I put him in a gym bag and took him to visit Todd at work on his lunch break) and on the way home, the song "Fifteen" by Taylor Swift came on. Listening to the words, I realized that my fifteen year old self could relate to a lot of it.

'Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you
You're gonna believe them
When you're fifteen and your first kiss
Makes your head spin 'round
But in your life you'll do things greater than
Dating the boy on the football team
But I didn't know it at fifteen...

When all you wanted was to be wanted
Wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now

I like Taylor. I like this song. I think it's completely relevant to fifteen year old girls, who are generally itching for something to relate to emotionally. But I realized, listening to that last bit of the bridge about going back and telling yourself what you know now-- that I wouldn't do that at all. Not to my fifteen year old self. I was blessed with a relatively drama-free high school experience and a very sweet first boyfriend and while there were occasional rough patches, I wouldn't change anything about that time of my life.

I would go back a few other places though...

I'd go back to 18 and tell her to leave her high school boyfriend in high school.

I'd go back to 19 and tell her to sit down and fill out those scholarship forms and write those essays because the money you are asking the bank for IS in fact, real money. And that yes, you will actually have to pay it ALL back (and THEN some!), even if the economy is crap, so do NOT borrow money that you don't need!

I'd go back to 20 and tell her to let him go before he left for Memphis in the summer.

I'd go back to 21 and help her unpack her car BEFORE she drove to church for Christmas Eve service, so that everything wouldn't get stolen...

But I'd also warn her about about cowardice masquerading as nobility. I'd beg her to get the answers she needed and then "leave the past behind, though it [kept] finding ways to get to [her] heart". I'd promise her that no amount of apparent compatibility would be worth the drama and heartache of the next year... but she probably wouldn't listen.

And finally, I'd go back to 22 and tell her to love the loan grace period, stop buying cd's and start saving a little and paying that mug off before she got hit with thousands of dollars in interest payments.

Silly, silly girl... I'm glad its all working itself out. :)

Would you go back?

p.s. Surprisingly enough, I wouldn't tell her a word about Todd. It feels a little cruel, but I couldn't live with myself if I ruined the best surprise of her life. :)

Christmas, Christmas, Christmas!!!

Wow, it's been a jam-packed couple of days, filled with family and food and friends from outta town and puppies and presents and lots of driving!

We had Christmas at three different houses this year! On Christmas eve, we spent the night at Todd's parents place. We woke up to snow on Christmas morning, ate amazing cinnamon rolls for breakfast, opened our gifts (in addition to helping us pay for Gotham, his parents gave us lots of fabulous stuff for our fireplace, plus Glee soundtracks, house shoes and TOMS, etc.) We were also very entertained by the puppies; Gotham (who will be 8 weeks this wednesday), Roxie (a 6 year old boxer) and Emma (a 2 year old micro-shih-tzu, who didn't want a single thing to do with Gotham). Gotham and Roxie got along great and wore each other out. Gotham also learned how to go down the stairs (video to come!) and didn't have a single accident outside on the day after Christmas! Yay! Definite progress.

Christmas afternoon, we bundled up and went off to the Grandparents house, where we ate a hearty lunch, gave Gotham a piece of ham because we left his food at home, played Rock Band 2, watched UP, and then ate dinner. In between all of that, Todd and I slipped out to visit the home and family of one of his college roommates. We took Gotham with us and when we arrived, we were met by two more puppies (Ruby, an 8 week old black lab, and Lucy, a 7 week old yellow lab) and a dog (Barkley, a 6 year old chocolate lab). SO many puppies. Gotham loved it even though Ruby sort of beat him up (a la Nala v. Simba).

We had company Sunday afternoon and Saturday evening as well! (Gotham's starting to get excited whenever unfamiliar-smelling people come over.) Two of Todd's groomsmen and their wives came into town for Christmas from Nashville and Chicago. We had Mike and Amanda over for frito pie and met Scott and (a different) Amanda for brunch at Benton Park Cafe. (It had snowed the night before and the roads weren't clear yet, so we also managed to slide into three different curbs on our seven-minute journey there.) But it was really nice catching up with them.

Then last night, we drove back over to Illinois with Gotham in tow to visit Todd's cousins who live on a farmhouse in Worden, IL. Cool family. The dad re-built the whole house/lodge himself, first cutting the old house in half with a chainsaw, then rebuilding the front half in one year, and the back half the next year. The house looks like an ad for Pottery Barn: Lodge Edition, including a giant, 20 foot tall fireplace, made exclusively of hand-picked, hand-washed river rocks from a neighbors' creek bed, sitting atop 40,000lbs of concrete and a built-in blower that heats the entire house. The two daughters (15 & 13) are absolutely adorable. They also barrel race in rodeos, shoot coyotes, catch giant disgusting fish (and gut them too, no doubt), received cows for Christmas last year and rifles this year, and have mounted deer heads in the house. Never before have a met I beautiful little porcelain-looking 13 year old, asked her what her favorite food was only to hear "Deer" as her answer. Not venison. Deer.

It's a different world.

That night, we ate an fantastic meal that included lasagna, made with ground beef from from one of their own cows. Ah. Mazing. Also, right before dinner, they brought one of their pet goats in the house. They said his name was Cupid because he was born on Valentine's Day.

In short: never has there been a Christmas quite like this one :) I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Pet Training Tip

It's about all I have time for today. Anyway, here it is:

If you want to put the puppy to sleep immediately, put his blanket in the dryer for a half hour and then swaddle him like baby Jesus.

'Du Jour

Accomplishment(s) For Today:
Laundry is done. Christmas shopping is done. And the puppy slept for 9 hours in his kennel last night.

Question for Today:
Does anybody know anyone who actually celebrates Kwanzaa? I would like to meet one such person because to my knowledge, I never have.

Things I Cooked Today:
Breakfast- scrambled eggs with cheese, lil smokies sausages and pumpkin muffins
Lunch- japanese beef with haricot vert and rice

Christmas Movie for Today:
RENT. The biggest part of it takes place between Christmas Eve and New Years Eve, so it counts.

Christmas Song I'm SO Over Today:
Last Christmas I Gave You My Heart But The Very Next Day You Gave It Away.
The version of Sleigh Ride that goes "I LIKE TO SLEIGH RIDE" in between every other line.

Cutest Thing Gotham Has Done Today:
Slept for an hour inside Todd's jacket while he was wearing it. He's also wearing his collar now, it's really cute too.















Most Annoying Thing Gotham Has Done Today:
Starting heeding the territory marking instinct. On my rug. Twice. I cleaned it, then with Todd's help, rolled up the rug and put it in a closet. We just won't have a rug until this kid is housetrained.

Realization for Today:
I still really want to be in a musical. And write one.

Impulse Buy I Avoided Today:
Smallville: Season 8. It was on sale at Target for $26.99. I haven't even finished season 5 (no spoilers please, I'm still planning to catch up one day), yet I am compelled to add to my collection every time I see it. Also, Scrubs: Season 1&2 for $18.99. That really was a good deal. And if I had some cash to spare, I might've indulged. but I don't need it. And I sure don't have time to watch it right now!

It Made My Day:
While I was in Target today, a twenty-something, scruffy, musician looking dude walking past me had THIS as his text message alert. When it finally clicked, I grinned so big, I'm happy I was in the aisle by myself.

Chasing Christmas

So... I know we're only 3 days out, but it still hasn't really "felt" like Christmas to me yet. In the traditional sense. And by traditional sense I guess I mean... that combination feeling of chilliness and warmth that comes from a late night stroll, followed by a mug of hot cocoa. Or when you're listening to your favorite Christmas music while driving with your family through a neighborhood alight with colorful bulbs and gaudy yard art. Or when you're holding a candle with a Dixie cup around it to catch the wax, singing Silent Night acappella on Christmas eve.

Lately, I'll find myself driving down the road, listening to the Christmas music station in the middle of the day and feeling decidedly unChristmasy. I struggle with that sometimes; not being able to capture and maintain the feelings of Christmas "magic" that always filled my Decembers as a child. I always try and catch it for a moment or two somewhere in the season, but often times I'll end up spending more time being disappointed about the elusiveness of said magic.

But then I remember... it's not about cold nights and hot cocoa. It's not about lights. It's not about songs. It's about love. It's about an incredible Gift that I could never be good enough to deserve. It's about the Gospel.

Tonight, I stood on the edge of the park, watching my puppy chase my husband across the clearing. As I smiled at their silhouettes, marveling at how much love I have for both of them, I thanked God for them... and was delighted to find that in that moment, it really felt like Christmas.

"Can we get a puppy?!"

I can't tell you how many times I said those words in college. In Nashville. To my roommates. It was a regular occurrence, every few months or so. The reply was always the same:

"Whoever you date will probably already have a dog. And if he doesn't, you and your husband can get a dog whenever you get engaged or married. It'll be more fun that way!"

It was NOT fun while I was waiting.

But I suppose my roommates were right. My husband did have a dog already when we met, but has since given Roxie to his dad. Roxie's a country dog, for sure, and she's got it really good out at his parents house. So we decided that at some point, after we got married, we'd start anew with a puppy of our own.

This morning was The Morning. :)



At 9:30am today, my husband and I drove through the remnants of last night's flurries to a house with a red barn across the river in Illinois. With a blanket and a camera in hand, we traded several weeks worth of Starbucks tips and some Christmas gift money for this beautiful 6.5 week old boxer boy.



Little Gotham stole our hearts several weeks ago, from the moment he snuggled into my arms and fell asleep. He did great in the car (the ride was nearly 40 minutes, including a 30 minute stop at the church to see Todd's mom, dad and sister), he just snuggled into my sweatshirt, occasionally nibbling at my scarf (the one Katie made for me. apparently it tastes as good as it looks and feels) and poking his head up every now and then to look out the window.




Since we got home, he's had some food and water, gotten very comfy with his bed, played with his new football toy and explored the majority of the living room and kitchen while trying to figure out how to keep traction when transitioning from the rug to the hardwood and vinyl floors. He's barked a few times (when he gets feisty and wants to play) and he's gone to the bathroom outside three times! Yay! He takes little naps (always on his bed) and he's just SO good! I know it's only been like 4 hours, but he's pretty much the cutest, sweetest, most awesome puppy of all time.

Right now he and Todd are asleep on the floor.

I love my boys. So much. :)