Tweet Essays

I don't tweet. But if I did, I'd talk about things like this...

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Being American, aged 18-30 and possessing an iPod entirely devoid of any music by Michael Jackson or Stevie Wonder, renders you utterly questionable and untrustworthy in my book.

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I'm pretty sure every teenage girl wished for this to happen at some point, but I'd like to meet or hear form the 1 in 5000 young woman who actually went to the pool or the waterpark in the summer, made eyes at the lifeguard, rode the slide 3 times, got the lifeguard's number on the 3^rd ride and ended up dating him for the summer. Or longer.

Does that really only happen in movies? Or did somebody live it? Not some contrived mess either, I don't want to hear about anyone throwing themselves at a lifeguard. I just want to know if anyone's ever found true love at the pool or on the deck of a water slide. I'd like to find out that somebody married the lifeguard.

Somebody find me a real life Squints & Wendy Peffercorn, please.

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My brewpub restaurant job triggered this next thought—but I am shocked by how many people show up to work nowadays, lookin a hot mess. If you're interacting with the public all day, don't you want to look like you took a second to put yourself together? Nobody wants to buy anything from someone who looks like they've been studying for finals all night long.

Guys have no excuse. It takes you like 75 seconds to get ready. Ladies, if you're chronically running late, why not invest in a Go Bag, that has all your basic prettying essentials inside? Then all you gotta do is take five minutes once you get to work and get it together. Being punctual is very important, but do you really think you're gonna feel better about being on time if you have to walk around the office or the restaurant looking afright all day? And if you're already late—what's five more minutes?! If you're already late, there's NO point in looking crazy when you walk in. At least let people believe that you were doing something that caused you to be late.

Is time the issue here? Or do people just stop caring? There's no excuse for that.

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I have what I lovingly refer to as a half-fro. Ergo, at night, I sometimes/usually have to wrap my hair up in a silken headscarf. The scarf I have is brown with some kind of animal print on it, but its pretty subtle. It's not ugly, it just looks very—ethnic. And in the morning, when I take it off, it takes me all of five minutes to do my hair without a curling/straightening iron. It's fabulous. The scarf keeps the curls curled and the straightening straightened.

What amazes me is how nonchalant I've become about Todd seeing me in my headscarf. My 24-year old self would probably be appalled. But Todd is not weirded out by it at all, In fact, he likes it. That's part of why I married him.

But I still won't let him see me in a shower cap. #interracial marriage