Confessing.

I've been such a lurker as of late. I've been reading lots of great blogs and not writing any. I've been thinking about my mermaid-esque treasure trove of incomplete ideas. I've been reading a lot of really entertaining nonsense-- and remembering some of my own entertaining, nonsensical ideas that I've long since abandoned. (Not without intent to return.) I've been thinking about old things-- the good things about old things and the better things about new things. I've been having new ideas and new desires (at the most inconvenient times) to revisit old ideas. I've been feeling outdated and underqualified for everything involving my professional life.

I've also had the hardest time spelling the word inconvenient today. I've used spell check on it 3 times in the past 12 hours.

I feel bad about the days when I don't want to deal with people. Even fun people. I know everyone has days like that, but I don't really have time to have days like that.

I feel responsible for several people who I don't really know very well yet-- and I think the majority of that feeling is one of responsibility to spend time with those new people and get to know them better. But sometimes, I feel like there are still so many "old people" left in my heart, who I still love and care about and want to know about. Facebook happily, continuously and cryptically updates me concerning their lives and their business-- but its not the same. I've always been terrible at letting go.

Maybe that's the reason I haven't met any really cool new ideas lately. Maybe my community life and my writing life just need a jumpstart.

i AM working on a new project. With a partner. But I can't talk about it and I can't talk about why. :) But I'm happy about it and I hope it goes well.

If something else happens, I'll try to keep you posted.

Uno. Dos. Tres.

-I wonder if I'll ever NOT be tense driving through Illinois backroads. Some of them are so small and bumpy and Todd flies over them like he poured the asphalt himself. Zero respect. I get nervous. Also, there's nothing more unsettling than a concrete construction barrier that forces you into just two lanes on an unfamiliar highway. So scary.

-I think self-inflicted drama should have an age limit. I know that The Real Housewives and The Bad Girls Club and Sex In The City beg to differ, but there's just really no excuse for such poor behavior in grown people. It makes me sick and sad every time I witness it.

-In other news, I got to shoot my father in law's rifle pellet gun today. In the basement. I've never shot anything larger than a handgun, unless you count the water cannon I wielded annually at summer camp. He set up a cardboard box target for me and I aimed from roughly 30 feet away-- I only shot two times... and I hit the bullseye both times! So fun! Next time, maybe I'll attempt a real rifle... outside of course. :)

Post-Eclipse

Stephenie Meyer's four volume, 2500 page (more or less) saga is just further proof that when you're telling a compelling story-- you can take as much time as you need.

I finished Eclipse today. One more book to go-- I'm ready for the ending, whatever it is. And so far, the ride has been a lot more entertaining than I'd anticipated. The second book had a lot of the really cool backstory I'd been hoping for-- and of course, loads of drama. I really enjoyed it.

Just one more volume and I'm through.

Oh, and I haven't changed my mind. Forced to choose, I'd still pick a werewolf over a vampire.

Post- New Moon

I woke up this morning riddled with allergies. Very uncommon. I managed to clean up the downstairs part of the house this morning, but besides that, I've been lazing about trying to clear the haze from my head. Part of that strategy included finishing Volume 2 of the Twilight saga. And I must say, I really enjoyed it. Intriguing conflict, well-developed characters, excellent storytelling.

However, I find Bella to be morose, unbelievably selfish and overly worshipful of Edward and vampires in general. I hope she grows some self-esteem and some basic human courtesy in the next book.

Edward was sort of out of the picture in this one, but when he came back, he was his same stubborn, overprotective, freezing cold self. Whatevs. They're perfect for each other.

I really like the rest of the Cullens though, Alice in particular. And I'm still intrigued by the mystery of Rosalie.

And then there's Jacob. Confident, sweet, comforting, WARM-blooded Jacob. I really liked him and felt terrible for him when Bella just blew snot and tears all over him for 400 pages and then threw him away.

I guess, as of now, that puts me on Team Jacob. I'll let you know how Eclipse goes.

Retail Therapy Setback

Albany, Atlanta, Beverly Hills, Bismarck, Cleveland, DeSoto, Decatur, El Paso, Franklin, Jacksonville, Nashville, Salem, Savannah, & Tuscola.

Believe it or not, all of those are cities in Missouri & Illinois.

Since moving here, I've heard a lot of these city names pop up and I've been very accusatory toward both states for stealing names from other cities in other states. Granted, I don't know who settled first, and I don't have time today to wikipedia that information-- but nevertheless, the lack of creativity is occasionally frustrating.

All that to say, yesterday, I traveled to the retail metropolis that is Brentwood (MO, not TN-- though they are remarkably similar. Wealthy and covered in malls, boutiques and department stores.) I went to pick up three small things-- and left slightly intoxicated by all the things I suddenly wanted but could not afford.

I used to live just a few miles from Brentwood, TN and that required me to drive through the retail area on a daily basis. I developed a habit of stopping and browsing and occasionally picking up a deal.

But ever since moving to St. Louis, where I have to plan a trip across town to the Galleria or Trader Joe's, where even Target is 12 minutes away, I've noticed that my retail therapy habit has been kicked. Outta sight, outta mind. That's good news for our budget. I can go months now without even thinking about adding to my wardrobe.

It only took one trip to the Galleria, to H&M, Urban Outfitters and XXI, to spoil all of that for a few hours. I left the mall dreaming about a beautiful swing blazer, some amazing grey ankle boots, an arty, mid-century looking print that would go great in our bedroom and a lovely russet-colored purse-- all of which I could not afford. Then I dropped in at Trader Joe's for some hummus and had to put on blinders against all the tantalizing, yummy hippie food and drink they have to offer-- which I also currently cannot afford. Dave Ramsey, you're killin me this week.

But only took a car ride home to my little neighborhood to come (95%) out of my non-consumerist funk. I'm really grateful that we can pay our bills and that our house isn't filled with crap we don't need. I'm grateful that I wear all the clothes in my closet-- and I'm grateful for the hope and the education that will one day provide me with a job that will allow me to shop for work at H&M.

Speaking of... feel free to show up any day now, Sexy, Grown-Up Job. I'm waiting as patiently as I can for you.

What I'm {Triple Stealing}...

(Val stole this from Dani, who stole this it from Annie Blogs.)

What I’m [reading] = New Moon. I know, I know. I read the first installment of the Twilight saga about a year ago and it took me a year to cave, but as of this week, I am making my way through the second book. And I must say-- I am entertained. I like it better than the first one.

What I’m [also reading] = The Valley of Vision. It's a book of exquisite Puritan prayers, I've been making it a part of my quiet time and it's been very humbling and eye opening.

What I’m [eating] = Made breakfast this morning! Cheesy scrambled eggs, toast w/ strawberry jam, bacon, cheese danish, coffee and OJ.

What I’m [hearing] = Nothing at the moment. It's lovely. I've noticed that since working at the Arch and being aurally assaulted by voices and announcements for 8 hours a day, all the while being forced to talk and explain things to dozens of people over the hum of hundreds of voices, I have a lot less tolerance for unnecessary noise. Especially in my house.

What I’m [writing] = this blog... and maybe something else.

What I’m [missing] = Saffire Restaurant. The people AND the food. I've been thinking about it a couple times a week, I think I need a CFC fix.

What I’m [loving] = The Avett Brothers record Emotionalism. Great harmony, excellent writing/storytelling. It's just so good. And we're going to see them live at the Pageant in September! I couldn't be more excited :)

What I’m [googling] = Michael Drummond, the St. Louis designer who's currently on Project Runway! One of my friends walked in his show during STL Fashion Week. Pretty cool.

What I’m [watching] = Since LOST is over, Chuck is my favorite show. The relationships between all the characters are just so great. I've grown to love them all over the past 3 years... and I'm just finishing up Season 3.

What I’m [surprised about] = how early these tuckpointing jokers decide to start working on our house. At 7am, they start with the sanding and scraping and whirring and showering concrete dust EVERYWHERE in the back courtyard. We accidentally left a window cracked in the kitchen, and the entire counter got covered in a fine layer of dust. Not to mention them blocking the way to our basement laundry area with tarps and ladders AND standing on those ladders at eye level with our kitchen and bedroom windows. I'm happy for the repairs, but I'll be really happy when they're all done.

What I’m [wondering] = why and how Gotham has developed a new hobby of chewing through (unplugged) electrical cords. First my curling iron (which is fortunately pretty cheap and rarely used) and then a lamp in the living room. I am NOT amused and he got in BIG trouble. Guess I better get some Bitter Apple spray before he notices something expensive, like a phone charger or computer cord.

Two Completely Different Things.

Making the decision to sleep with somebody you just met is like picking up a half eaten, 3 day old burrito off the floor of a train station and putting it in your mouth. Potentially worse.

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If I had written this song, I wouldn't ever have to write another one. I could die completely satisfied with my one-hit wonder. This is absolutely my favorite song right now, but I can't really imagine anyone not liking it. (and LOST fans, its even more fantastic if you picture Juliet & Sawyer as Love & Hate embodied. Serious.) Please please please, give it a listen. Or go to the show, they're touring with Grace Potter and the Nocturnals. Should be really good. :)