"Daisy, let it go..."

I've been away. I've been full of life and empty of time to tell about it.

My parents came to town for a week and stayed with us. We had a lot of fun and ate a lot of good food. My mom and I participated in a craft fair and sold lots of delicious baked goods, including lemon cake bombs that ended up tasting like posh homemade zebra cakes. I saw Iron Man 2, was blessed with cute new mustard yellow flats and new thermal curtains that keep the blazing sun out of our window-walled upstairs bedroom. Also, Gotham ate and digested an entire tennis ball.

I also got my heart broken for the first time in a long time. I never imagined that getting dumped professionally and romantically would feel so eerily and heartbreakingly similar.

For the first time in my life, I wanted this job. I had the education and the desire to do it well. I was immediately attracted to it; I wanted to hang out with it and get to know it and fall in love with it and commit to it. On the exterior, and even on the shallow interior, me and this job were perfect for each other; it made me happy, it made sense, and I wanted it.

But the Lord obviously has other plans for me. Plans that I was utterly apathetic towards yesterday afternoon when I got the call that I was not selected for the position.

But today has been better. I imagine the coming days will be too. I go back to work at the Arch tomorrow and I put in my two weeks notice at Schlafly this past weekend (in favor of a summertime promotional gig). Todd and I are also starting Financial Peace University in a couple of weeks. I feel like days are flying by, and yet I'm also waiting-- impatiently and incessantly-- for new changes. All while trying to savor little moments in each set of 24 hours, and stay on top of every day life.

But I guess that's what you do when you're a grown up. I'll take it.

Lord, give me strength.

"You give and take away...
You give and take away...
My heart will choose to say,
"Blessed be Your name.""

Loverly

It's been a good day.

Our old, stinky, cantankerous dishwasher is GONE. In its place is a brand new shiny, good-smelling dishwasher that is practically silent. Magnificent.

My belly is full from a delicious dinner of whole wheat rotini pasta (my fave... well, any curly pasta is my face), brocolli, chicken and sauteed mushrooms with mozz cheese.

We took Gotham for a good walk and on the way, we met another neighbor with a Boxer, which was cool. But the best part was learning the names of some neighborhood kids (who are ALWAYS sitting out on the stoop when we walk Gotham in the evenings) Marilyn is the oldest, she's in seventh grade. She has a cousin, Brittany who sits out there with her, and then there are her 3 year old twin siblings... Luke and Leia. I kid you not. That is serious fandom commitment! I felt an instant connection. And the coolest/most unusual part? All the kids are black. Fantastic.

Tomorrow is Todd's LAST day at Starbucks! He's so excited to be back in full time ministry. And... I have an interview tomorrow. For a grown up job, in a marketing department. With books. Amazing books. :) I'm really excited about it, but I'm trying not to be, you know? I'll tell you more about it later...

And LOST. I can't even talk about it right now. I'm still processing. Sigh.

But.

It's been a great day. And I hope tomorrow's even better. :)

Restless.

I think that sometimes, when everyone around me seems to be experiencing change, I think I'm supposed to change too. Even if I'm already in the midst of a larger, more gradual change.

For example... even though I'm totally still settling into married life and a new community and city in St. Louis, three of my Schlafly co-workers are leaving or have already left. My husband is also starting a new job in a couple of weeks. So now, even though I'm grateful for the extra (easy) money that Schlafly provides, I find myself wanting *out of the restaurant business again, for no good reason.

Also, Todd and I are going to have to figure out some kind of compromise about our tv.

For the most part, I can't stand tv. I've only realized this over the past couple of years. Unless it's a show or a movie I love to watch, I feel like tv is intruding on my life, distracting my already ADD-riddled soul and imagination. While there are some movies and tv moments that I'm pleasantly surprised by, for the most part, it stresses me out. And it sucks because I know that for a lot of people, tv is an excellent escape. A de-frag. It is for Todd. And I have those moments too, occasionally. And of course I don't want to give up time with my husband! I want us to be able to relax on the couch together, but 75% of the time, channel surfing or just having the tv on when no one's actually watching it Stresses Me Out. *Denham's Dentrifice all over again. I can't deal with it. It makes me edgy.

I think I'd be less edgy if I could figure out how to focus my thoughts when I have TIME to focus them. But it's always so much easier during inopportune moments, like at church, or in the middle of an 8 hour work shift.

*sigh*

I gotta go. Life is waiting.



*When I read Fahrenheit 451 for the first time, I never though this bit would stick with me, but it has. It's always been a really relevant reference for me because I feel like I'm consistently troubled by it. "Denham's Dentrifice" is a reference to the toothpaste ad blaring on the subway while Guy Montag is trying to focus and memorize a chapter from the Bible. He keeps desperately trying to focus his thoughts, but the advertisement is relentless and he eventually flees the train. The book is so good. Read it if you haven't.

"Quieras ir afuera, perrito?"

I've been speaking Spanish to Gotham. That's usually the only thing I remember to say. (You wanna go outside, puppy?) But it's Spanish, nonetheless.

***

I parked for free today at work. I LOVE parking for free. I never realized what a luxury that is until I starting freaking working at the Arch. Anyway, at the Arch, your options are:

• Park in one of the 20 free spots at the cathedral (which always get filled up by 7am by the park rangers) and not have to walk but 90 seconds to get inside the building. Or park in a non-designated spot and potentially be towed.
• Park in the Arch garage for $4 before 9am and $6 after 9am. Daily. And walk 3-4 minutes to get inside the building.
  
• Park on the levee on the edge of the Mississippi. For free. And walk 5ish minutes to work... but for free!

I love parking for free. I used to be blessed with cathedral spots all the time. But lately, the river has been flooded, so the levee's been closed. So all the levee regulars took the cathedral spots and left yours truly in the expensive garage. But. The river has FINALLY receded and today, I parked for free, which is great-- except I'm terrified to park on the levee. It's only a slight incline, but my car is tall (Honda Element) and every time I get in or out of it and shut the door, I'm just sure its going to tumble into the Mississippi. There's nothing between my car and that raging, brown current except cobblestones-- and I don't know what I imagine the thing is made of, but I always assume its top-heavy and ponderous enough to succumb to a stiff breeze and topple over.

I know that's false. But I still get nervous.

But not nervous enough to pay for parking.

Hello, Hello...

After a week of feeling very disconnected, due to lack of internetz... I'm back. :)

I finished A Tree Grows In Brooklyn! Loved it. Apparently, I'm on a coming-of-age kick; I read, To Kill A Mockingbird, then Brooklyn and today I checked out The House On Mango Street and The Adventures of Huck Finn. I'm excited about both-- especially reading Huck Finn on the banks of the Mighty Mississip. :)

Right now, the dog is passed out from running in the park with his new friend, Oscar, a seven month old black lab mix. Todd and I are catching up on our online business and watching Mad Hot Ballroom, his first viewing, my second. I love this movie. And I need to learn Spanish. I said that last time I watched it.

Also, Milano cookies... are so... good.

More substance next post, I promise.

Kind of Blue

Miles Davis just came on the stereo at Starbucks. Let me catch you up a bit.

***

I started writing a story a couple years ago. It's set in Philadelphia, in the area surrounding and including Temple University. Featuring an ensemble cast of 9, I loved my story and my characters. One of them was an arrogant, womanizing university soccer stud named Alex.

Last week at the arch, the real, actual Temple basketball team came through to go up to the top. When I saw them, I couldn't stop glancing at them, silently, nonsensically thinking-- "They probably know Alex. And Maddie! (His girlfriend) I bet some of them were there at that party when it all went down."

Story is a haunting, amusing, perspective-altering beast, isn't it?

***

Speaking of that. I miss my story. Stories. I feel guilty that I never finish any of them. I feel like the writer in me has suffered a terrible accident that has left her paralyzed and only able dream and absorb other people's art. She is grateful to be alive, but heartbroken that time and inspiration refuse to converge on her.

***

But maybe I'm just being moody because the past few days have been exhausting. On the employment front, I found a potential new opportunity. In the space of a week, I've been hopeful, then relieved and excited... then promised, shocked, disappointed, frustrated, surprised and grateful. And haven't breathed a word about it to anyone I work with.

On the househunting front, we've found 4 "perfect" houses over the past few weeks. Two were in crappy neighborhoods. The third got snatched up a day before we could draw up a contract. And the fourth, found us sitting in Starbucks across from our realtor last night, signing very important looking papers. One step (read: check) from turning in an offer on our first house, we pulled the plug. It's not time. We're staying in our cute, parade route flat with the busted dishwasher until further notice.

On the everything else front, our dog hasn't eaten anything weird in weeks. He's gotten really good at fetch too. I saw Legally Blonde on stage last week with a new friend, and it was delightful. I saw The Fantastic Mr. Fox on blu-ray and I highly recommend it. After reading one of Katie's lists, I've been reading A Tree Grows In Brooklyn for the first time and I love it. I'm also obsessed with these right now and planning on attempting to make them sometime in the near future.

***

Last week at church, my friend brought her new son, Cannan, to church for the first time. When she brought him into the children's room, five other women and I were there, watching Allie (6 months) and Cash (9 months) play on the puzzle piece floormats. Celeste sat down with Cannan and we all talked and laughed and watched the babies rolling and jabbering and teething and trying to crawl. Looking around at these six other women, so outwardly different, but so alike in heart and love for these little ones, I suddenly felt like we were a pride of lionnesses-- strong, brave, ever-watchful and community-dependent for survival. I loved it. And it took me a week to write it down, but there you have it.

Herein Is Love

Beautiful sentiments written by Missy over at "It's Almost Naptime"... do yourself a favor and read it. I'm gonna go poke around on facebook.

Happy Easter, everyone :)